What to Expect From Your First Counselling Session: A Gentle Guide to Starting Therapy
Thinking about counselling but feeling nervous about that first step? You’re not alone.
For many people, deciding to contact a counsellor can feel like a really big thing. You might be wondering:
What will they ask me? What if I don’t know what to say? What if I cry? What if it feels awkward? What if I’ve made the wrong decision?
Perhaps you’ve spent weeks, months or even years thinking about reaching out, and now that you’re finally considering it, the thought of actually sitting down with a stranger and talking about your life feels daunting.
I want to reassure you that you don’t need to know exactly what to say, and you don’t need to have everything figured out before you come to counselling.
And, importantly, you won’t be expected to walk into your first session and immediately tell a complete stranger your deepest, most personal experiences.
The first session is about getting to know each other, creating a safe space and working out together what you need from counselling.
Your counsellor knows what it feels like to be the client
Something that many people don't realise is that most counsellors will have experienced counselling themselves at some point in their lives.
That means we know what it feels like to sit on the other side of the conversation.
We know that making that first phone call can take courage. We know that you might feel nervous before your first appointment, wonder whether you'll have anything to say, or feel unsure about what is expected of you.
You don't have to feel confident about starting counselling.
You just have to be willing to take that first small step.
It starts with a simple phone call
Before booking your first counselling session, I like to offer a low-stakes, informal phone call.
This isn't a counselling session and there is no expectation that you need to share everything that's going on for you.
It's simply an opportunity for us to have a chat, for you to tell me a little about what has brought you to counselling, and for us to get a sense of whether we might be a good fit for each other.
Finding the right counsellor is important. You should feel comfortable with the person you're going to be working with.
And there is absolutely no pressure to book a session during this call.
You can go away, have a think, talk it through with someone you trust if you'd like to, and decide when you're ready.
Choosing how you'd like to have your sessions
If you decide that you'd like to work together, we can arrange your sessions in the way that feels most appropriate for you.
This might be in person or online, depending on your needs, preferences and circumstances.
I know that practical details can sometimes become a source of anxiety, particularly when you're already feeling nervous about starting therapy.
So, if you're coming in person, I'll send you information beforehand about where to park, where the counselling room is, the address, where you can wait and what to expect when you arrive.
The aim is to remove as much of the uncertainty as possible, so you don't have to spend the night before wondering:
Where do I go? What if I can't find the room? Where do I park? What if I'm late?
If we're meeting online, I'll send you the meeting link and clear information about how to join.
And if technology decides not to cooperate — because it sometimes does! — we'll have a plan for what to do if there are internet, software or connection problems.
You don't need to be particularly good with technology. We'll work it out together.
So, what actually happens in the first session?
The first session is usually made up of two main parts.
1. Getting to know each other and agreeing how we'll work together
We'll spend some time gathering information and talking about what has brought you to counselling.
We'll also talk about the practical and ethical boundaries of our work together and what you can expect from me as your counsellor.
But just as importantly, we'll explore what you expect from counselling.
Perhaps you already have a clear idea of what you want from therapy.
Perhaps you have absolutely no idea.
Both are completely okay.
We can talk about what you would like to get from our sessions and what you think counselling might look like for you.
2. Talking about what's brought you to counselling
If you feel comfortable, you'll have the opportunity to talk about the concerns, experiences or difficulties that have brought you to counselling.
You decide how much you want to share.
There is no requirement to tell me everything in your first session.
You might want to give me a broad overview of what's been happening, or you might feel ready to talk about something in more detail.
You are in control of the pace.
We can then begin to think together about what might be helpful and how we would like to move forward.
You don't have to arrive with a treatment plan.
We can work that out together.
How long is a counselling session?
A counselling session lasts a counselling hour — 50 minutes.
I will keep an eye on the time throughout the session, so you don't need to worry about constantly checking the clock.
I'll also give you reminders as we get towards the end of the session, so that you have some awareness of how much time we have left.
At the end, we'll have an opportunity to check in about how the session felt for you.
We'll make sure we finish in a way that gives you a chance to pause, gather yourself and safely move on with the rest of your day.
You won't suddenly find yourself looking at the clock and thinking, "Oh! We're finished!"
What kind of counselling will we do?
As a pluralistic counsellor, I work in a person-centred way, which means that you are at the heart of the counselling process.
Rather than believing that one particular type of therapy is the answer for everyone, pluralistic counselling recognises that different people need different things at different times.
Together, we can consider what approaches might be helpful for you and the difficulties you're experiencing.
Depending on what you need, this might include approaches such as:
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT)
Psychodynamic approaches
Creative therapeutic work
Psychoeducation
Reflective work
You might find that you want to set goals each week and work towards specific changes.
You might prefer reflective activities between sessions.
Or perhaps what you need most is simply a space where you can slow down, explore your thoughts and experiences, and make sense of what's happening for you.
There isn't a right way to do counselling.
We'll work together to find an approach that feels useful and meaningful to you.
You don't have to have the right words
One of the biggest worries people have about starting counselling is:
"What if I don't know what to say?"
That's okay.
You don't need to arrive with a perfectly prepared explanation of what's wrong.
You might cry.
You might laugh.
You might change your mind about what you wanted to talk about.
You might say, "I don't even know where to start."
That's okay too.
Sometimes finding the words is part of the counselling process.
My role isn't to judge you, tell you what you should be doing or expect you to have all the answers.
My role is to listen, understand, ask questions when they're helpful and work alongside you to explore what might help.
You are in control of your counselling journey
Perhaps the most important thing to know is that counselling is something we do together.
You don't have to hand over control of your life to your counsellor.
You don't have to agree with everything I say.
You can tell me if something isn't helpful.
You can ask questions.
You can say that you don't want to talk about something yet.
And you can take your time.
Starting therapy can feel like a huge leap, but it doesn't have to be.
Sometimes it is simply one conversation.
Then another.
And gradually, together, we can begin to make sense of what is happening and explore what might help.
You don't have to be ready for everything. You just have to be ready for the first step.
If you're thinking about counselling but feeling nervous about getting started, you're very welcome to get in touch for an informal phone conversation.
There's no pressure to book.
It's simply an opportunity to talk, ask any questions you might have and see whether counselling — and whether working together — feels right for you.
Taking that first step can feel daunting.
But you don't have to take the whole journey at once.
